The Knicks and Rangers are both out of the chase for their respective championships so that leaves New York's most reliable franchise over the past century. The Yankees
Go Bronx Bombers, let the Red Sox keep fucking up and just rip those balls out of the park. I smell number 28. LETS GO.
On a completely different note, this weekend was probably one of the more bland experiences I have ever known being a UMass student. Everyone had gone home for Easter, and I was left with my Jewish friends, mainly Karl, to hang out with. I fell asleep before midnight on both days, and have been battling a cold so that made everything even worse than it already was. But nonetheless, some mindless shit still happened to take place. After going to a keg party at a friend's house, I am told everyone came back to our house, where some physical altercations arose. "Phil Nelson" as I would like to introduce him, decided to be the drunkest girl at the party for the second night of the weekend. Way to go Phil! I guess asking an Indian guy to body slam you into a poker table that doesn't belong to you is a great way to spend a Saturday night. If you do buy a new table for those guys, make sure it's a feminine color, because that's what I think poker is for. Bitches.
At least it's nothing like what happened to this guy....
Oh well but, I have a fun time coming up ahead of me with finals, and my second to last weekend hear and shit, so I''l be back
Monday, April 25, 2011
Friday, April 15, 2011
Let us play catch up cool?
Hey it's me again. So it has been quite hectic over the last couple of weeks. New apartment, classes and whatnot. But anywho I'm back for now and here are some stories.
Biceps reeled in a keeper ladies and gentlemen, or so I have heard without using a reference to his massive guns, or his sexual prowess in bed. LAWLZ. But good for you big guy. Chick is on the Equestrian team here at UMass, so for comedy's sake let us call her Sea Biscuit. I don't know much other than she is the looker while most of her friends, minus a few ungainly whales, are al good looking and I had fun talking to them.
Karl, on the other hand, maybe a little sick with a pretty sounding thing. I won't say what it is out of respect to him, but I will tell this: The girl that may have, but thankfully didn't give it to him, is a bitch and a half, and Karl still has the balls to maybe ask this chick to our formal? WTF Karl? YOU HAVE OTHER HOT GIRLS THAT LIKE YOUR GOOFY DRUNK ASS. Get with the program bro honestly. I'll update on a situation, but if she goes with him, it is not going to be a pleasant night for either of them, because I cannot for the love of god control my drunk ass.
Speaking of which, about formal and shit, I feel that Julian needs to get his shit together and go. The dude threw up in the pool our first semester going to the formal and had it shut down for everyone else. He then tried to drunkenly blame it on someone else. Way to be a champ Julian, I'm banking on a repeat this year dude.
So while listening to the 8 Mile soundtrack, fuck you it is the essence of human existence. But I'm out to drink more and prolong the inevitable truth that I have mad projects to do. I'll keep you jibronis updated and shit. Posh Nosh getting Shringotts
Out
Biceps reeled in a keeper ladies and gentlemen, or so I have heard without using a reference to his massive guns, or his sexual prowess in bed. LAWLZ. But good for you big guy. Chick is on the Equestrian team here at UMass, so for comedy's sake let us call her Sea Biscuit. I don't know much other than she is the looker while most of her friends, minus a few ungainly whales, are al good looking and I had fun talking to them.
Karl, on the other hand, maybe a little sick with a pretty sounding thing. I won't say what it is out of respect to him, but I will tell this: The girl that may have, but thankfully didn't give it to him, is a bitch and a half, and Karl still has the balls to maybe ask this chick to our formal? WTF Karl? YOU HAVE OTHER HOT GIRLS THAT LIKE YOUR GOOFY DRUNK ASS. Get with the program bro honestly. I'll update on a situation, but if she goes with him, it is not going to be a pleasant night for either of them, because I cannot for the love of god control my drunk ass.
Speaking of which, about formal and shit, I feel that Julian needs to get his shit together and go. The dude threw up in the pool our first semester going to the formal and had it shut down for everyone else. He then tried to drunkenly blame it on someone else. Way to be a champ Julian, I'm banking on a repeat this year dude.
So while listening to the 8 Mile soundtrack, fuck you it is the essence of human existence. But I'm out to drink more and prolong the inevitable truth that I have mad projects to do. I'll keep you jibronis updated and shit. Posh Nosh getting Shringotts
Out
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
My Apologies
Sorry, but I do not feel I have the time to make "Rate that Townie" with Flaccid, just not in the cards, so please, feel free to suck it up.
I will, however, resume posting funny shit to this page in the near future, just cut me some slack
Peace
I will, however, resume posting funny shit to this page in the near future, just cut me some slack
Peace
Monday, March 28, 2011
Want to play a game?
Well good!
Myself, along with my buddy Flaccid, the resident photographer, and a very good one at that, will be walking around the town of Amherst, taking pictures of townies..
drumroll please!
RATE THAT TOWNIE!
We will be posting pictures of weird hobos, hot girls, ugly girls and such, and let you guys respond to rate them, so please do not be shy with your feedback as I will be posting some responses, with discretion of course...
stay tuned bitches
Myself, along with my buddy Flaccid, the resident photographer, and a very good one at that, will be walking around the town of Amherst, taking pictures of townies..
drumroll please!
RATE THAT TOWNIE!
We will be posting pictures of weird hobos, hot girls, ugly girls and such, and let you guys respond to rate them, so please do not be shy with your feedback as I will be posting some responses, with discretion of course...
stay tuned bitches
Monday, March 21, 2011
Guess Who's Back with more Stories?
That's right bitches... ME!
Do you want to guess who's going to be in my stories from spring break?
If you guessed Karl, you're right as rain, but I am also introducing, "Squeaks" and "Biceps"
Squeaks is named so because he is a smaller person and takes a lot of shit from people, just like in the movie Baseketball... While Biceps is named so because he only talks about his arms to girls, which was not impressing them to say the least.
That's why Squeaks is named so.. funny video and nice kid. ANYWAYS....
SO I actually did end up working in an office for a couple of days to make some booze cash, which was a great success. After the 3 days, I went into the city to meet up with Leopold, Julian, Karl, Squeaks, and Biceps. Of course we were planning on drinking, but at a bar, what we ended up doing was walking from 67th street in Manhattan to the mid 30s, then decided to turn around, oh yeah before we killed a bottle of rum, and during our trek, we were pounding tall boys every which way.
Mostly uneventful but the good stuff was Thursday and the weekend
St. Patty's Day in New York is pretty much a shitshow dayger with millions of other drinkers and kids around my age. We met a couple of nurses around midtown, with Biceps of course referring to himself as Jesus in bed and whatnot, the girls liked it so that's how you can identify hoodrats... sorry Biceps, but it is true. Then New York's finest came up to our little group, and asked Biceps if he was consuming alcohol.
Being the genius he is, Biceps said it wasn't booze even though you could see the Coors label pretty damn clearly. AFter that the cop asked for some ID from him, and Biceps says he doesn't have it on him...
Yeah that plan worked out well...
The cop read his ass like a book and took Biceps wallet, but realized he might be mentally not up to pace with his age so decided to let him go, phew
So we went to a sketchy ass bar at night with a name that matches it's charm, for certain reasons I cannot use the bar's name, but I can say I wasted mad money buying drinks from a ripped female bartender that had some certain sex appeal, that had no interest in me.
We went to Staten Island that weekend, a lot of fun it was, For the sake of saving space on this page I will give you guys an easy to read list. SO here it is:
1. Biceps creeped out the hottest girl at the party, then proceeded to hook up with two FAT chicks consecutively, nice
2. I lost my new Polo hat, in an unattractive hoodrat's room
3. I was cockblocked the next night for hooking up with the fugly portly female because the girl I tried getting with found out what had happened.
4. Julian gave me $20 because I nut tapped Biceps a couple of times
5. I originally put the bounty on Julian because we wanted to haze the shit out of him
6. Squeaks was shit faced the whole time trying to fight Biceps and being mopey.
7. Leopold was well behaved, to my surprise.
8. Karl got with a Jewish girl with a very nice body, but a nose that I like to refer to as the "Hebrew Hook"
9. I had a gay guy analyze if I was in fact a homosexual, I am not, to my relief no offense.
10. A piece of dignity was left behind at Staten Island by each one of us, YAY FOR FRIENDS
Until next weekend, my birthday weekend bee tee dubs...
RIP: EL, In my heart always
Do you want to guess who's going to be in my stories from spring break?
If you guessed Karl, you're right as rain, but I am also introducing, "Squeaks" and "Biceps"
Squeaks is named so because he is a smaller person and takes a lot of shit from people, just like in the movie Baseketball... While Biceps is named so because he only talks about his arms to girls, which was not impressing them to say the least.
That's why Squeaks is named so.. funny video and nice kid. ANYWAYS....
SO I actually did end up working in an office for a couple of days to make some booze cash, which was a great success. After the 3 days, I went into the city to meet up with Leopold, Julian, Karl, Squeaks, and Biceps. Of course we were planning on drinking, but at a bar, what we ended up doing was walking from 67th street in Manhattan to the mid 30s, then decided to turn around, oh yeah before we killed a bottle of rum, and during our trek, we were pounding tall boys every which way.
Mostly uneventful but the good stuff was Thursday and the weekend
St. Patty's Day in New York is pretty much a shitshow dayger with millions of other drinkers and kids around my age. We met a couple of nurses around midtown, with Biceps of course referring to himself as Jesus in bed and whatnot, the girls liked it so that's how you can identify hoodrats... sorry Biceps, but it is true. Then New York's finest came up to our little group, and asked Biceps if he was consuming alcohol.
Being the genius he is, Biceps said it wasn't booze even though you could see the Coors label pretty damn clearly. AFter that the cop asked for some ID from him, and Biceps says he doesn't have it on him...
Yeah that plan worked out well...
The cop read his ass like a book and took Biceps wallet, but realized he might be mentally not up to pace with his age so decided to let him go, phew
So we went to a sketchy ass bar at night with a name that matches it's charm, for certain reasons I cannot use the bar's name, but I can say I wasted mad money buying drinks from a ripped female bartender that had some certain sex appeal, that had no interest in me.
We went to Staten Island that weekend, a lot of fun it was, For the sake of saving space on this page I will give you guys an easy to read list. SO here it is:
1. Biceps creeped out the hottest girl at the party, then proceeded to hook up with two FAT chicks consecutively, nice
2. I lost my new Polo hat, in an unattractive hoodrat's room
3. I was cockblocked the next night for hooking up with the fugly portly female because the girl I tried getting with found out what had happened.
4. Julian gave me $20 because I nut tapped Biceps a couple of times
5. I originally put the bounty on Julian because we wanted to haze the shit out of him
6. Squeaks was shit faced the whole time trying to fight Biceps and being mopey.
7. Leopold was well behaved, to my surprise.
8. Karl got with a Jewish girl with a very nice body, but a nose that I like to refer to as the "Hebrew Hook"
9. I had a gay guy analyze if I was in fact a homosexual, I am not, to my relief no offense.
10. A piece of dignity was left behind at Staten Island by each one of us, YAY FOR FRIENDS
Until next weekend, my birthday weekend bee tee dubs...
RIP: EL, In my heart always
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Hello Spring Break
Hey are you going to Mexico or Florida for spring break 2011?
You are?!?
Well screw you I'm not...dick.
What is on tab for me on my week long break? It actually is just a wait and see. Me and my friends make all these plans that barely come into fruition. Yeah, it kind of sucks I know, but that's the way I like it for some reason. The Penn State trip would not have been as epic of a shitshow if we knew what we were doing. Like the excitement from not knowing where you even are going to sleep really gets me going (Not in the sexual way perv).
But to start out, I have to make some cash, so your boy will be at home until at least Wednesday, asking for favors, working for dad, and sleeping his ass off because honestly, this whole college thing and balancing social and academic events is tough shit. Fuck the person who thought that college had to be harder than high school, I hate you almost as much as I hate Boston Sports, well not that much, but fuck Boston anyways. Any chance I get, I will say that.
Oh and for the people who thought that Zdeno Chara's hit was vicious or whatever, NEWS FLASH: HE DIDN"T DO ANYTHING EXCEPT RIDE THE POOR GUY INTO THE BOARDS, even if no injury had occured, that hit was at least a boarding call in my book, trust me I know, I used to ref. If you want to see a REAL vicious hit, here's a clip of what is remembered as the most vicious act in the sport of hockey by Todd "goons lurkin'" Bertuzzi. Way to go Todd, piss away millions but is still playing is a win in my book
You are?!?
Well screw you I'm not...dick.
What is on tab for me on my week long break? It actually is just a wait and see. Me and my friends make all these plans that barely come into fruition. Yeah, it kind of sucks I know, but that's the way I like it for some reason. The Penn State trip would not have been as epic of a shitshow if we knew what we were doing. Like the excitement from not knowing where you even are going to sleep really gets me going (Not in the sexual way perv).
But to start out, I have to make some cash, so your boy will be at home until at least Wednesday, asking for favors, working for dad, and sleeping his ass off because honestly, this whole college thing and balancing social and academic events is tough shit. Fuck the person who thought that college had to be harder than high school, I hate you almost as much as I hate Boston Sports, well not that much, but fuck Boston anyways. Any chance I get, I will say that.
Oh and for the people who thought that Zdeno Chara's hit was vicious or whatever, NEWS FLASH: HE DIDN"T DO ANYTHING EXCEPT RIDE THE POOR GUY INTO THE BOARDS, even if no injury had occured, that hit was at least a boarding call in my book, trust me I know, I used to ref. If you want to see a REAL vicious hit, here's a clip of what is remembered as the most vicious act in the sport of hockey by Todd "goons lurkin'" Bertuzzi. Way to go Todd, piss away millions but is still playing is a win in my book
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Well then...
This weekend was a blur.. but before I recap I would like to thank the internet for being a bunch of pussies and not allowing me to post pictures, accusing me of petty theft, fuck yourself people, if you put something online, in my opinion, it's fair game.
To begin, I passed out... a lot. Starting with Thursday night, which I would call a win, due to the fact I made out with a mime (yeah that's right). Win for me. Well that was the Thursday highlight, and the big weekend being our epic shit show of a dayger where everyone passed out by 5 pm. I honestly cannot remember too much but all you need to know are two things
1. I made out with a goddamn mime
2. Me and my friends need to learn to pace our drinking... seriously
To begin, I passed out... a lot. Starting with Thursday night, which I would call a win, due to the fact I made out with a mime (yeah that's right). Win for me. Well that was the Thursday highlight, and the big weekend being our epic shit show of a dayger where everyone passed out by 5 pm. I honestly cannot remember too much but all you need to know are two things
1. I made out with a goddamn mime
2. Me and my friends need to learn to pace our drinking... seriously
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