Government and Meth: Are They trying to keep something from us?

Who remembers D.A.R.E.?


I sure as hell do. My officer, Officer Zinns or something was the man. Didn't tell us we couldn't drink, just to be careful if you are hanging out with an angry drunk or happy drunk. He was a chain smoker telling us not to smoke. LAWLZ

But the point is for this one, watch the Family Guy clip I posted below, and tell me you don't want to try crystal meth after seeing that shit. Peter flies through a fucking roof. If the side effects of meth were super powers like that, would you honestly not even consider to try it? If no then you are one hell of a moron.

So is it the US government lying to us? Or is it Family Guy? The answer is obvious, so please don't go and try to score a bag of meth from your friendly neighborhood drug dealer after reading this. It would be nice though to just imagine drugs with side effects of Superman-like standards, would it not be?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KhYazY79YXo

Penn State: Part 2

SO with the intention of seeing an ex at State Patty's Day, I wanted to meet up with her that night. We had been talking a lot, and you know, wanted to see eachother. Around midnight, she told me to come to her sister's apartment. Problem was, that I was in a goddamn different school, let alone state. Hey thanks a lot for the street address. To make things worse, none of us had brought a computer (I personally brought a phone charger, dirty t shirt, and hair gel... poorly executed  I know, but fuck off it was awesome).

Flaccid being the good friend that he is, decided to help me out and look up the directions on his android. Good guy right?

Not exactly.

What seemed to be a casual stroll down about four blocks to the left of the hotel turned into a fiasco. Flaccid gave me the wrong directions, and I was wandering around lost for an hour. I at one point ended up lost right next to the hotel (Drunk much?). And my favorite part was definitely the way i got a free pack of cigarettes.

Some sketch dude walked up to me and asked me if I knew directions to a street, Hamilton street I believe it was called. Of course I didn't know, but that did not stop me from giving that loser some fake directions. All for the purpose of me laughing at him later on. Bad thing is, the poor guy gave me a free pack of smokes for my trouble. Oh well his loss.

So at around 2 I finally find the Ex, and we just chill and hang out, until its 3 am. Time flew by too quickly, and drinking with Flaccid when I got back to the hotel was not the smartest move, passing out with a full beer in my hands and waking up thinking I had pissed myself. Oh well

Chaet Hate at Penn State

First of all. DO NOT do what I am about to tell you


Epic weekends? yeah it happened. It all started out with a fucking random ass 2am drive to the ever popular Penn State at University Park, where they were holding the annual State Pattie's Day event which is just a shit show of a time, and it was the time of my life. I went with Flaccid and Leopold, with Leopold already fucked up in the back seat. So me and Flaccid spilt driving duties and we arrived at Penn State at around 730 am.

After breakfast and a couple of funny happenings, we got to a hotel, The Days Inn, which was better than expected, we got the LAST room. Awesome, and after naps and showers we started polishing off a  bottle of everclear, aka 190 proof grain vodka that will fuck your day up.

So we saw some friends,then Leopold cock blocked the shit out of me. Apparently, starting fights and having a friend to come help you fall asleep is not enough. The dude passed out with his head resting against a toilet, pillow and all, and fell asleep... oh wait right next to his goddamn shit.

The night continues, and to sum it up, I need to throw myself a shout out. I ran into a large window assuming it was an actual door in front of a lot of people.Kind of sucked. Whatever

And now I just have to compliment myself in the area of education. Our room had a window facing the lobby, and while were drinking with the window curtains open, children start observing us as if we're zoo animals. Flaccid kind of just passed out on the bed across it, so we decided to take a picture of him with the little kids laughing at him. So I gave the kids a pep talk to never be like Flaccid,A kid who decided that apple juice was the best way to let him have a good time" Fun stuff, we told them not be like him, and then some old people were laughing about us being drunk jackasses, so the logical response took place


DRINK OFF!


Sorry it didn't happen though, fucking old people pussied out.

And then it continued, a pledge to finish all the Natty Lights before we passed out ended up with me thinking  it was a good idea to leave open beers in between me and Flaccid (we shared a bed no homo). So i thought i pissed myself and it was weird. But all in all i loved the goddamn weekend. I will post more about this when it comes back to memories.






http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zm9l9f7cNFk



watch the goddamn video, btw. I want Jamie T to blow up. Hate on him, you're a faggot suck one if you do not like him

For your information

Just a heads up...

Unless something ridiculous happens tomorrow night, I won't have many stories to tell you all about this weekend...

Oh wait?!?!

That's right, myself, "Flaccid", and "Leopold Stotch" or "Leopold" for short, will be driving at 2am to the ever popular Penn State University, to be attending the usual, parties, frat parties, and slamming. To quote a great anonymous "I drink, therefore I slam" TFM. Total Frat Post will follow soon. PEACE BITCHES

I think I may be Gerard Butler

Just finished a paper and feeling pretty damn good about myself.


Oh and to top it up, CARMELO FUCKING ANTHONY: WELCOME TO NEW YORK, CITY OF LEGENDS

There is definitely going to be a power shift in the east in the NBA believe me. Melo and Amar'e up front, Chauncy Billups, Landry Fields and Bill Walker I'm guessing, it should be a solid playoff run for my Knickerbockers, got to love how they have been rejuvenated for a city that loves their winners, and needs more wins on a regular basis. So kudos


Alright so Thursday night, yet again can I give you a guess as to whom was shitfaced out of their mind?




Motherfucking Karl: We were just relaxing with some beverages up in the "Palace", just relaxing trying to figure out what to do that night. Karl knew what he was going to do. I hope I do not offend my Jewish readers when I say the name of this vile concoction: The Holocaust, because in it's defense, it was death in a cup

So without further ado, Here is the process to create your very own HOLOCAUST:

Get (1) solo cup

1. 1 1/2 shots of Everyclear
2. Raspberry "Bling Bling" Maddog 20/20 poured in
3. Red Grape Wine Maddog 20/20 poured in
4. A good amount of Admiral Nelson's Rum
5. Top the bad boy off with Rolling Rock Beer



This easy five step process is the guaranteed way to have yourself one hell of a night, That night might include: Creating enemies, being a total jackass to your friends, eating nasty shit (Karl's specialty), and throwing balls of Play- Dough at other friends.

By the Way, I was the pour soul to have Karl spit on me. This was a little bit after Karl chugged the Holocaust  and clearly he blacked out almost immediately (see?). The dude just turned around and kind of spat on me. Whenn I looked up with the "what the hell are you doing asshole" face as my expression.

He then just decides to come up and get in my face. The conversation is as follows:

Me: Karl what the tits was that for jackass?
Karl: That's right I did that!
Me: Dude I'm sorry, let's bro hug it out (arms open up)
Karl: sure (spreads his arms and legs)


SO when I approach him to give him his "Hug", The scene of our house turned into the giant pit in Sparta, that is displayed in the movie, 300.

I walk up to him and just wind my leg back, nailing him square in the nuts. He doesn't even realize for a few seconds, until everyone starts laughing around him. Then Karl just kind of fell to the ground.

Don't fuck with me asshole, I'll get your ass back :P

What the fuck slam dunks?

SO it is s Saturday and I have been drinking for a while. BIG DEAL. Apparently, the NBA all star skills competition is a big deal. I could have told you the results from that shit. Ray Allen and Paul Pierce were what a nigga would pick right? WRONG, pick the goddamn guy no one knows about like I did, James FUCKING Jones. It was really easy to see an old ass washed up three point marksman miss a shit ton after he got tired. Cool shit bro. Ray Allen I hate you almost as much as I hate (Chooch Mc W). When I say that, I mean complete super Bums, Lawlz.

Oh and just to add one more thing, I'm in a state of inebriation with an important meeting that is planned tomorrowl. Would it be funny if I woke up drunk (TTM)? It kind of sucks but you know what? Someone has to tell those Nazis what the fucking shit is up, this one was a short one but keep posted for better drunken shenanigans.

One of those Nights

Remember in one of my past posts on this site about the weird drunk kid eating dust? Yeah well that man struck again.
  
So it's a Tuesday night and me and my friends "Flaccid", "Cinna Toast", and "Karl" decided since we had finished all of our homework, to have a little bit of fun. That fun involved going uptown to a Bar.

So we pregamed a little bit, here and there. A bottle of wine ( no homo), shots of everclear, some vodka, and a couple of beers. By the time we left, it was already looking like tonight was oing to turn into a shit show. Oops.

So we hit the bar up. bought a couple of pitchers of brew, and sat down. Karl was pretty darn drunk, and so he started to hit on girls next to us on the bench. Good job Karl! It started a whole conversation with a group of girls that were blessed with good looks. We just shot the shit, talking about anything for a while. Karl started to dance with one of the girls who was probably gone as he was. She was HOT though. They eventually start to make out and that's when I got bored.

SO, I stumbled out of the bar heading home by myself, until I see my room mate who was coming to meet us and so he got our sober driver to give me a ride home.

Later that night, after everyone got back, except for Flaccid, which we had no idea where he was, but who cares (Sorry Flaccid). Karl was the reason no one cared, because he was wasted beyond belief. He was first betting dollars on coin flips, until it was interrupted by myself throwing up into a soda cup from Subway. It was impressive aim, if I could brag for a second, considering the state I was in.

Karl decided to chug a bit more everclear, smooth move, and soon blacked out. Oops again hahaha, he proceeded to get stuck in a trash can, try to escape from our house ( Thanks to my roommate for catching him before he could), ate tape with an Asian friend "Dong" trying to tape his mouth shut. He got locked inside his own room thinking it was someone else's door. Tried breaking down his door with a gallon of iced tea, which ended up all over the hall. Berated and egg- like looking friend, and called out another dude for being a fag by saying "He's so gay that he went up to Ricky Martin, and told him he was gayer than Ricky Martin!". By then he passed out and it was all over. Well, at least he has the weekend to redeem himself, or dig a deeper hole. HAHA bye!

ABC? Excuse me?

SO parties are a great form of social interaction for everyone, even the creepy kid who eats paper, dust, and other shit can have a little bit of fun. But themes can become a real pain in the ass after a while. Seeing how I have a three day weekend everyday this semester and not overwhelmed with so much homework, I though "Fuck it", and am going to an ABC (anything but clothes) part. Sounds fun right? Well suck a big one you are sorely mistaken. You ever tried wearing something that is not an article clothing to cover up your testicles without having them pop out and every girl there seeing your flag fly and commenting on it's size (or lack there of).
   So what to wear, what to wear, whhattttt toooo weaaaar. Last time I went to one of these damn things it was a shitshow, I got so drunk I though a dress would be funny, then left the party and fell down a flight of stairs and fucked up half of my body, all in a dress. I know pathetic. So I think I'm feeling a brown paper grocery bed just around my mid section to cover up my junk and boys, as well as the writing on my ass. Thanks to whomever thought of this stupid idea as a theme for a damn party. I honestly hate you, and go eat shit and die in a burning bus with a bunch of orphans  ( a special someone has heard that one before), oh and I'll share the story of how my ass got tagged by some douches tomorrow, until then my friends, LAWLZ

Religion Ain't No Thing

College kids can do stupid shit a lot of the time, especially when they have an ample amount of free time on their hands, which is what weekends are for. This is the story about how that boredom turned into something a little bit over the top.

     So a group of friends and I were doing a list of things that were put together for us, a scavenger hunt if you will. There was some simple stuff to do, and then there was what I had to do, Get in a fight with a Panda at a sorority party that was taking place on campus that night, except wearing a Robin costume. It doesn't seem that hard because one could assume that the fight could be staged. Well it was. But from a certain event that took place earlier in the night, at a certain catholic center, with a certain sexual act on it's rooftop, the cops were looking for some douche- bag running around in a Robin costume. GREAT. How do I do this shit now? I had to like crouch naked in a parking lot for 20 minutes, and was nervous to put it back on again.

     Well I did put the costume back on again and headed over to the "Horse and Hunt Club", or sorority if you will. When I get there the Panda comes running down the fire escape of the building and it pretty much turns into the wrestling match in the back with a group of drunken shouting lunatics cheering for the panda. What gives? No love for the sidekick of Batman? That's dank as shit man, give me a break. Well needless to say, I put his bamboo eating ass back on the endangered- species list. Until tomorrow, for another cool story "Hick". PEACE

Raging on Valentine's Day

So in honor of one my least favorite holidays, my friend "Julian" and I will be having a Valentine's party, but not for the reason one might think. We will be raging for his great grandpa Valentine, a large man, who had a taste for hash liquor, farming, and speaking Central and Eastern European languages. What the hell right? I wouldn't expect anything less from Julian. Probably the most eccentric man at UMass, he always has some ridiculous things to say that are always funny and never disappointing.  The man is as smart as they come, with a taste for brown liquor that is comparable to Rush Limbaugh. Funny shit I know, he helped me start  a group up to just plain old hate on people that we think deserve it. My favorite part of the dude is that he hit one of the biggest jack asses that I know in the face with a rolled up welcome mat covered in dust. Way to go Julian, time to go hard for Grandpa Valentine tonight.

Girls: Double Standards aren't cool

When your'e a guy, and are getting intimate with a girl, a new set of rules seems to come into play. You can't do this or that, you HAVE to do things a certain way. Sorry but if I'm fucking, I want it to be in a way that actually feels good for me. Take a couple of weekends for example, I didn't have sex because of a goddamn hickey I got on Friday from a girl from the all- girls Mt. Holyoke school. Cute girl, just kind of a pain in the ass. I was kissing her neck, and she literally shoved my head with force away from her, saying that she didn't want any bad marks on her neck. Understandable. The problem is that five minutes later, she was doing the same shit to me. WHAT THE FUCK. Legit, why the hell do you tell me not to do something, and then go ahead and do that same thing to me? That's weak . And to add insult to injury I didn't even get laid out of the situation. We went upstairs to make out and she pretty much ruined the whole night, at a party I was supposed to be running. I had other girls that were DTF, and to be frank, a goddamn lot hotter than she was, running around my house. So the night was over and it's Saturday, I let her know, along with all the friends in my room, that I was bitter and flaccid. The biddy got the hint and left, thank god. But OH WAIT I HAVE A HUGE HICKEY ON MY NECK. I got tagged, it was my own fault, and was certainly not getting laid Saturday night. Oh well, fuck my life right?

Popping the Cherry

Well, I just want to say what's up. There is probably nothing of true value that will be posted on this page but if you like a laugh or two and want to hear some cool stories, (some being a bit inappropriate), you might like to keep updated on my page! The real reason is I have some friends that have made blogs and felt it is a cool way to just like express myself. SO the first topic of interest is Valentine's Day. Kind of a pointless holiday in my opinion, where a guy courts a girl with some fake ass mirage of chivalry in the form of dinner, flowers, and chocolates. I mean if there really has to be a holiday like this where a girl expects a certain behavior from their significant other, then she is pretty much getting shafted if the dude cannot do something romantic out of the blue. What do you think? It honestly is pointless to have a date saved where you expect extra special attention from someone, even though you should be getting that all the time, otherwise you should go shopping for a new man, ladies. Just my two cents, more interesting posts will follow I'm out