I REALLY LOVE THIS GUY

While I'm sitting here recovering and on happy pills, let's take a look at my favorite video probably of all-time on the world wide web. Enjoy!!

Guess Who's Back?!?!

What's up fuckers!!

Finally back in the world of casual blogging, and for the loyal following I have, whom I can all count on one hand sadly enough, welcome back to the sad sad world of living your lives vicariously through some random college douche bag's blog! (But seriously awesome, having people ask about it once in a while is trey cool)

Well my summer was completely boring, so nothing to report on that, but quite the interesting fall semester up here in the Northeast. I've seen tools get hit in the face, mad hookups, and of course, those embarrassing nights which all of you (meaning my boys) wish you could forget about, but the asshole that I am will not let you live down. Fags.

So who do we start out with? How about KARL?

Karl did not really get all that crazy this year, hmmmm...

I didn't believe that either ahaha, Karl had some crazy nights, dude pulled in fucking three chicks in one of them. Sadly for Karl, that is where the good news ends, as all of those lucky "females" as I will be generous enough to call them, were to describe it at best, seemed to be relatable to that of a Man Bear Pig. To top it off, the poor son of a bitch had one of them catch him in the act with his nightcap. Still, congratualtions Karl, you have proven that sticking your dick in anything with a hole will be what I like to refer to as from The Lion King as , "Slimy, yet satisfying."

Next up we have Julian, whom of course was being his usual self, getting shit faced on an array of various brown liquors. My favorite thing that happened to him was the fact that he throws his back out during sex, as well as hooking up with a bitch who looks like Xena, Warrior Princess, from that shit TV show we would watch on Saturday mornings and weeknights when we all were too scared of women anyways. Kudos Julian! Hopefully your next slampiece does not have a waist and shoe size that makes you look like Kate Moss bro.

As for your's truly, it was a pretty successful semester, not going to lie. For the most part, I behaved,a  couple of nights where I can not seem to remember many things. I love how on weekends I would walk up to girls and try to meet them, only to find out that I spit some ridiculously corny ass line on them the weekend before. The black out tally for this guy still remains rather insignificant which is all good, because when I want to remember the girl I'm with, you'll be sure that I will bro, no doubt.

I want to introduce to the crew, a new friend of mine I will call on this site, "Shortbus". Dude is the fucking man. He really likes getting fucked up, and he is a true wingman, letting you decide whom you would rather fuck out of a pair of girls any night of the week. First night we actually hung out, dude and I dominated the table at my boy Sweetness's house. There is one problem with Shortbus though, dude needs to think before he speaks, I mean taking his roommates pink eye eye drops and using them to try and avoid the infection, only to get it is pretty fucking stupid. He was also referred to as a butterface, by some girl who has no right in saying that, though it is hilarious none the less.

I just wanted to get back in the swing of things, and just in time for NYE right? I think I'm heading to NH to my boy Flaccid's house, if you remember him, and promise to have stories the week after, if I don't I pledge that I will make sure something crazy happens because of your's truly. Until next time loyal (insert single digit here) readers and fans. GFU

Does the following story help my boy get laid?

AH SUMMER IS HERE

Too bad someone forgot to tell mother nature, that bitch has been making it rain more than Lil Wayne at a strip club.

But there was a nice day. I left the Zoo on Thursday to come home, not an exciting first night back, just chilling with the rentals catching up and shit. But the next morning was a good start. I woke up to my boy from V-town in NJ hitting me up for a party he was having that night. Of course I was down to go, and get a little heavy with my boys from home no doubt.

So I got there mad early, before even the fratty lights were out, but I just got up with "Wildcat" as I will refer to him. Soon enough people just started pouring in, and before you knew, we had mad drinking on our hands.

The night went pretty smoothly with a wide range of women showing up. My girl LFM showed for a little cameo, we got shocked when we played ruit, but hey the best have to lose to keep them in check right? Next time we'll get them buddy. No lies.

Around midnight two, to put it nicely, wildebeasts, were talking to one of my old hockey buddies. Let's call him Orr (As in Bobby Orr, because the dude has the ego of a pro, just not the skills) Orr thinks he's the man, hitting on women and shit, but the women as I said were from the bottom of the barrel, hoodrats to be politically correct.

Eventually Orr starts challenging them to a game of ruit, and he made it interesting, to most of the guys there dismay. He got them to play strip ruit, like take a piece of clothing off everytime they make a cup.

I'm pretty much ignoring their game, to try and hold my liquor, so I'm screwing with the music with a girl I was talking to for a while ( no I did not get any, screw you she wouldn't have put out for you anyways). But when I turned around, I thought I was looking at a bakery, because all I saw were rolls. I lost my nerves and darted to the bathroom, and proceeded to puke everywhere. Not a good time, and Orr didn't even hook up with either of the shirtless girls anyways. SO i guess the moral of the story is, even if you drop your standards to the depths of hell, and you don't get laid, shame on you. Thanks Orr, I can't have vodka for at least a month.

Oh New York...

The Knicks and Rangers are both out of the chase for their respective championships so that leaves New York's most reliable franchise over the past century. The Yankees

Go Bronx Bombers, let the Red Sox keep fucking up and just rip those balls out of the park. I smell number 28. LETS GO.

On a completely different note, this weekend was probably one of the more bland experiences I have ever known being a UMass student. Everyone had gone home for Easter, and I was left with my Jewish friends, mainly Karl, to hang out with. I fell asleep before midnight on both days, and have been battling a cold so that made everything even worse than it already was. But nonetheless, some mindless shit still happened to take place. After going to a keg party at a friend's house, I am told everyone came back to our house, where some physical altercations arose. "Phil Nelson" as I would like to introduce him, decided to be the drunkest girl at the party for the second night of the weekend. Way to go Phil! I guess asking an Indian guy to body slam you into a poker table that doesn't belong to you is a great way to spend a Saturday night. If you do buy a new table for those guys, make sure it's a feminine color, because that's what I think poker is for. Bitches.

At least it's nothing like what happened to this guy....


Oh well but, I have a fun time coming up ahead of me with finals, and my second to last weekend hear and shit, so I''l be back

Let us play catch up cool?

Hey it's me again. So it has been quite hectic over the last couple of weeks. New apartment, classes and whatnot. But anywho I'm back for now and here are some stories.


Biceps reeled in a keeper ladies and gentlemen, or so I have heard without using a reference to his massive guns, or his sexual prowess in bed. LAWLZ. But good for you big guy. Chick is on the Equestrian team here at UMass, so for comedy's sake let us call her Sea Biscuit. I don't know much other than she is the looker while most of her friends, minus a few ungainly whales, are al good looking and I had fun talking to them.

Karl, on the other hand, maybe a little sick with a pretty sounding thing. I won't say what it is out of respect to him, but I will tell this: The girl that may have, but thankfully didn't give it to him, is a bitch and a half, and Karl still has the balls to maybe ask this chick to our formal? WTF Karl? YOU HAVE OTHER HOT GIRLS THAT LIKE YOUR GOOFY DRUNK ASS. Get with the program bro honestly. I'll update on a situation, but if she goes with him, it is not going to be a pleasant night for either of them, because I cannot for the love of god control my drunk ass.

Speaking of which, about formal and shit, I feel that Julian needs to get his shit together and go. The dude threw up in the pool our first semester going to the formal and had it shut down for everyone else. He then tried to drunkenly blame it on someone else. Way to be a champ Julian, I'm banking on a repeat this year dude.

So while listening to the 8 Mile soundtrack, fuck you it is the essence of human existence. But I'm out to drink more and prolong the inevitable truth that I have mad projects to do. I'll keep you jibronis updated and shit. Posh Nosh getting Shringotts

Out

My Apologies

Sorry, but I do not feel I have the time to make "Rate that Townie" with Flaccid, just not in the cards, so please, feel free to suck it up.

I will, however, resume posting funny shit to this page in the near future, just cut me some slack


Peace

Want to play a game?

Well good!

Myself, along with my buddy Flaccid, the resident photographer, and a very good one at that, will be walking around the town of Amherst, taking pictures of townies..

drumroll please!


RATE THAT TOWNIE!

We will be posting pictures of weird hobos, hot girls, ugly girls and such, and let you guys respond to rate them, so please do not be shy with your feedback as I will be posting some responses, with discretion of course...

stay tuned bitches

Guess Who's Back with more Stories?

That's right bitches... ME!

Do you want to guess who's going to be in my stories from spring break?

If you guessed Karl, you're right as rain, but I am also introducing, "Squeaks" and "Biceps"

Squeaks is named so because he is a smaller person and takes a lot of shit from people, just like in the movie Baseketball... While Biceps is named so because he only talks about his arms to girls, which was not impressing them to say the least.

That's why Squeaks is named so.. funny video and nice kid. ANYWAYS....

SO I actually did end up working in an office for a couple of days to make some booze cash, which was a great success. After the 3 days, I went into the city to meet up with Leopold, Julian, Karl, Squeaks, and Biceps. Of course we were planning on drinking, but at a bar, what we ended up doing was walking from 67th street in Manhattan to the mid 30s, then decided to turn around, oh yeah before we killed a bottle of rum, and during our trek, we were pounding tall boys every which way.

Mostly uneventful but the good stuff was Thursday and the weekend

St. Patty's Day in New York is pretty much a shitshow dayger with millions of other drinkers and kids around my age. We met a couple of nurses around midtown, with Biceps of course referring to himself as Jesus in bed and whatnot, the girls liked it so that's how you can identify hoodrats... sorry Biceps, but it is true. Then New York's finest came up to our little group, and asked Biceps if he was consuming alcohol.

Being the genius he is, Biceps said it wasn't booze even though you could see the Coors label pretty damn clearly. AFter that the cop asked for some ID from him, and Biceps says he doesn't have it on him...

Yeah that plan worked out well...

The cop read his ass like a book and took Biceps wallet, but realized he might be mentally not up to pace with his age so decided to let him go, phew

So we went to a sketchy ass bar at night with a name that matches it's charm, for certain reasons I cannot use the bar's name, but I can say I wasted mad money buying drinks from a ripped female bartender that had some certain sex appeal, that had no interest in me.

We went to Staten Island that weekend, a lot of fun it was, For the sake of saving space on this page I will give you guys an easy to read list. SO here it is:

1. Biceps creeped out the hottest girl at the party, then proceeded to hook up with two FAT chicks consecutively, nice
2. I lost my new Polo hat, in an unattractive hoodrat's room
3. I was cockblocked the next night for hooking up with the fugly portly female because the girl I tried getting with found out what had happened.
4. Julian gave me $20 because I nut  tapped Biceps a couple of times
5. I originally put the bounty on Julian because we wanted to haze the shit out of him
6. Squeaks was shit faced the whole time trying to fight Biceps and being mopey.
7. Leopold was well behaved, to my surprise.
8. Karl got with a Jewish girl with a very nice body, but a nose that I like to refer to as the "Hebrew Hook"
9. I had a gay guy analyze if I was in fact a homosexual, I am not, to my relief no offense.
10. A piece of dignity was left behind at Staten Island by each one of us, YAY FOR FRIENDS

Until next weekend, my birthday weekend bee tee dubs...



RIP: EL, In my heart always

Hello Spring Break

Hey are you going to Mexico or Florida for spring break 2011?

You are?!?

Well screw you I'm not...dick.

What is on tab for me on my week long break? It actually is just a wait and see. Me and my friends make all these plans that barely come into fruition. Yeah, it kind of sucks I know, but that's the way I like it for some reason. The Penn State trip would not have been as epic of a shitshow if we knew what we were doing. Like the excitement from not knowing where you even are going to sleep really gets me going (Not in the sexual way perv).

But to start out, I have to make some cash, so your boy will be at home until at least Wednesday, asking for favors, working for dad, and sleeping his ass off because honestly, this whole college thing and balancing social and academic events is tough shit. Fuck the person who thought that college had to be harder than high school, I hate you almost as much as I hate Boston Sports, well not that much, but fuck Boston anyways. Any chance I get, I will say that.

Oh and for the people who thought that Zdeno Chara's hit was vicious or whatever, NEWS FLASH: HE DIDN"T DO ANYTHING EXCEPT RIDE THE POOR GUY INTO THE BOARDS, even if no injury had occured, that hit was at least a boarding call in my book, trust me I know, I used to ref. If you want to see a REAL vicious hit, here's a clip of what is remembered as the most vicious act in the sport of hockey by Todd "goons lurkin'" Bertuzzi. Way to go Todd, piss away millions but is still playing is a win in my book

Well then...

This weekend was a blur.. but before I recap I would like to thank the internet for being a bunch of pussies and not allowing me to post pictures, accusing me of petty theft, fuck yourself people, if you put something online, in my opinion, it's fair game.

To begin, I passed out... a lot. Starting with Thursday night, which I would call a win, due to the fact I made out with a mime (yeah that's right). Win for me. Well that was the Thursday highlight, and the big weekend being our epic shit show of a dayger where everyone passed out by 5 pm. I honestly cannot remember too much but all you need to know are two things


1. I made out with a goddamn mime
2. Me and my friends need to learn to pace our drinking... seriously

Time to saddle up!

Well it's our favorite time of the week... THE WEEKEND, very exciting I know.

Well we're having a party tonight and the theme is the letter "M".

If you know me, then you already know what I am going as, Maddog 20/20!

Very easy costume, get a maddog, take the label and stick it on your shirt. It's actually killing two birds with one stone: First of all I have a bomb costume that no one else would have, and I get a cheap way to get some kind of level of tipsy...

For those of you that who do not know what Maddog is, it is pretty much poison. Delicious, but poison nonetheless. The shit contains Ether, you know that shit that makes you sleepy right? Well try drinking all of them in one day, that's what we like to call the rainbow challenge. I personally got to four of these bad boys, then kind of just passed out when I sat down. Ether much?

Well my friends, I am sure there will be a story or two for tomorrow that I will gladly share. That is if I can remember them.. PEACE

Government and Meth: Are They trying to keep something from us?

Who remembers D.A.R.E.?


I sure as hell do. My officer, Officer Zinns or something was the man. Didn't tell us we couldn't drink, just to be careful if you are hanging out with an angry drunk or happy drunk. He was a chain smoker telling us not to smoke. LAWLZ

But the point is for this one, watch the Family Guy clip I posted below, and tell me you don't want to try crystal meth after seeing that shit. Peter flies through a fucking roof. If the side effects of meth were super powers like that, would you honestly not even consider to try it? If no then you are one hell of a moron.

So is it the US government lying to us? Or is it Family Guy? The answer is obvious, so please don't go and try to score a bag of meth from your friendly neighborhood drug dealer after reading this. It would be nice though to just imagine drugs with side effects of Superman-like standards, would it not be?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KhYazY79YXo

Penn State: Part 2

SO with the intention of seeing an ex at State Patty's Day, I wanted to meet up with her that night. We had been talking a lot, and you know, wanted to see eachother. Around midnight, she told me to come to her sister's apartment. Problem was, that I was in a goddamn different school, let alone state. Hey thanks a lot for the street address. To make things worse, none of us had brought a computer (I personally brought a phone charger, dirty t shirt, and hair gel... poorly executed  I know, but fuck off it was awesome).

Flaccid being the good friend that he is, decided to help me out and look up the directions on his android. Good guy right?

Not exactly.

What seemed to be a casual stroll down about four blocks to the left of the hotel turned into a fiasco. Flaccid gave me the wrong directions, and I was wandering around lost for an hour. I at one point ended up lost right next to the hotel (Drunk much?). And my favorite part was definitely the way i got a free pack of cigarettes.

Some sketch dude walked up to me and asked me if I knew directions to a street, Hamilton street I believe it was called. Of course I didn't know, but that did not stop me from giving that loser some fake directions. All for the purpose of me laughing at him later on. Bad thing is, the poor guy gave me a free pack of smokes for my trouble. Oh well his loss.

So at around 2 I finally find the Ex, and we just chill and hang out, until its 3 am. Time flew by too quickly, and drinking with Flaccid when I got back to the hotel was not the smartest move, passing out with a full beer in my hands and waking up thinking I had pissed myself. Oh well

Chaet Hate at Penn State

First of all. DO NOT do what I am about to tell you


Epic weekends? yeah it happened. It all started out with a fucking random ass 2am drive to the ever popular Penn State at University Park, where they were holding the annual State Pattie's Day event which is just a shit show of a time, and it was the time of my life. I went with Flaccid and Leopold, with Leopold already fucked up in the back seat. So me and Flaccid spilt driving duties and we arrived at Penn State at around 730 am.

After breakfast and a couple of funny happenings, we got to a hotel, The Days Inn, which was better than expected, we got the LAST room. Awesome, and after naps and showers we started polishing off a  bottle of everclear, aka 190 proof grain vodka that will fuck your day up.

So we saw some friends,then Leopold cock blocked the shit out of me. Apparently, starting fights and having a friend to come help you fall asleep is not enough. The dude passed out with his head resting against a toilet, pillow and all, and fell asleep... oh wait right next to his goddamn shit.

The night continues, and to sum it up, I need to throw myself a shout out. I ran into a large window assuming it was an actual door in front of a lot of people.Kind of sucked. Whatever

And now I just have to compliment myself in the area of education. Our room had a window facing the lobby, and while were drinking with the window curtains open, children start observing us as if we're zoo animals. Flaccid kind of just passed out on the bed across it, so we decided to take a picture of him with the little kids laughing at him. So I gave the kids a pep talk to never be like Flaccid,A kid who decided that apple juice was the best way to let him have a good time" Fun stuff, we told them not be like him, and then some old people were laughing about us being drunk jackasses, so the logical response took place


DRINK OFF!


Sorry it didn't happen though, fucking old people pussied out.

And then it continued, a pledge to finish all the Natty Lights before we passed out ended up with me thinking  it was a good idea to leave open beers in between me and Flaccid (we shared a bed no homo). So i thought i pissed myself and it was weird. But all in all i loved the goddamn weekend. I will post more about this when it comes back to memories.






http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zm9l9f7cNFk



watch the goddamn video, btw. I want Jamie T to blow up. Hate on him, you're a faggot suck one if you do not like him

For your information

Just a heads up...

Unless something ridiculous happens tomorrow night, I won't have many stories to tell you all about this weekend...

Oh wait?!?!

That's right, myself, "Flaccid", and "Leopold Stotch" or "Leopold" for short, will be driving at 2am to the ever popular Penn State University, to be attending the usual, parties, frat parties, and slamming. To quote a great anonymous "I drink, therefore I slam" TFM. Total Frat Post will follow soon. PEACE BITCHES

I think I may be Gerard Butler

Just finished a paper and feeling pretty damn good about myself.


Oh and to top it up, CARMELO FUCKING ANTHONY: WELCOME TO NEW YORK, CITY OF LEGENDS

There is definitely going to be a power shift in the east in the NBA believe me. Melo and Amar'e up front, Chauncy Billups, Landry Fields and Bill Walker I'm guessing, it should be a solid playoff run for my Knickerbockers, got to love how they have been rejuvenated for a city that loves their winners, and needs more wins on a regular basis. So kudos


Alright so Thursday night, yet again can I give you a guess as to whom was shitfaced out of their mind?




Motherfucking Karl: We were just relaxing with some beverages up in the "Palace", just relaxing trying to figure out what to do that night. Karl knew what he was going to do. I hope I do not offend my Jewish readers when I say the name of this vile concoction: The Holocaust, because in it's defense, it was death in a cup

So without further ado, Here is the process to create your very own HOLOCAUST:

Get (1) solo cup

1. 1 1/2 shots of Everyclear
2. Raspberry "Bling Bling" Maddog 20/20 poured in
3. Red Grape Wine Maddog 20/20 poured in
4. A good amount of Admiral Nelson's Rum
5. Top the bad boy off with Rolling Rock Beer



This easy five step process is the guaranteed way to have yourself one hell of a night, That night might include: Creating enemies, being a total jackass to your friends, eating nasty shit (Karl's specialty), and throwing balls of Play- Dough at other friends.

By the Way, I was the pour soul to have Karl spit on me. This was a little bit after Karl chugged the Holocaust  and clearly he blacked out almost immediately (see?). The dude just turned around and kind of spat on me. Whenn I looked up with the "what the hell are you doing asshole" face as my expression.

He then just decides to come up and get in my face. The conversation is as follows:

Me: Karl what the tits was that for jackass?
Karl: That's right I did that!
Me: Dude I'm sorry, let's bro hug it out (arms open up)
Karl: sure (spreads his arms and legs)


SO when I approach him to give him his "Hug", The scene of our house turned into the giant pit in Sparta, that is displayed in the movie, 300.

I walk up to him and just wind my leg back, nailing him square in the nuts. He doesn't even realize for a few seconds, until everyone starts laughing around him. Then Karl just kind of fell to the ground.

Don't fuck with me asshole, I'll get your ass back :P

What the fuck slam dunks?

SO it is s Saturday and I have been drinking for a while. BIG DEAL. Apparently, the NBA all star skills competition is a big deal. I could have told you the results from that shit. Ray Allen and Paul Pierce were what a nigga would pick right? WRONG, pick the goddamn guy no one knows about like I did, James FUCKING Jones. It was really easy to see an old ass washed up three point marksman miss a shit ton after he got tired. Cool shit bro. Ray Allen I hate you almost as much as I hate (Chooch Mc W). When I say that, I mean complete super Bums, Lawlz.

Oh and just to add one more thing, I'm in a state of inebriation with an important meeting that is planned tomorrowl. Would it be funny if I woke up drunk (TTM)? It kind of sucks but you know what? Someone has to tell those Nazis what the fucking shit is up, this one was a short one but keep posted for better drunken shenanigans.

One of those Nights

Remember in one of my past posts on this site about the weird drunk kid eating dust? Yeah well that man struck again.
  
So it's a Tuesday night and me and my friends "Flaccid", "Cinna Toast", and "Karl" decided since we had finished all of our homework, to have a little bit of fun. That fun involved going uptown to a Bar.

So we pregamed a little bit, here and there. A bottle of wine ( no homo), shots of everclear, some vodka, and a couple of beers. By the time we left, it was already looking like tonight was oing to turn into a shit show. Oops.

So we hit the bar up. bought a couple of pitchers of brew, and sat down. Karl was pretty darn drunk, and so he started to hit on girls next to us on the bench. Good job Karl! It started a whole conversation with a group of girls that were blessed with good looks. We just shot the shit, talking about anything for a while. Karl started to dance with one of the girls who was probably gone as he was. She was HOT though. They eventually start to make out and that's when I got bored.

SO, I stumbled out of the bar heading home by myself, until I see my room mate who was coming to meet us and so he got our sober driver to give me a ride home.

Later that night, after everyone got back, except for Flaccid, which we had no idea where he was, but who cares (Sorry Flaccid). Karl was the reason no one cared, because he was wasted beyond belief. He was first betting dollars on coin flips, until it was interrupted by myself throwing up into a soda cup from Subway. It was impressive aim, if I could brag for a second, considering the state I was in.

Karl decided to chug a bit more everclear, smooth move, and soon blacked out. Oops again hahaha, he proceeded to get stuck in a trash can, try to escape from our house ( Thanks to my roommate for catching him before he could), ate tape with an Asian friend "Dong" trying to tape his mouth shut. He got locked inside his own room thinking it was someone else's door. Tried breaking down his door with a gallon of iced tea, which ended up all over the hall. Berated and egg- like looking friend, and called out another dude for being a fag by saying "He's so gay that he went up to Ricky Martin, and told him he was gayer than Ricky Martin!". By then he passed out and it was all over. Well, at least he has the weekend to redeem himself, or dig a deeper hole. HAHA bye!

ABC? Excuse me?

SO parties are a great form of social interaction for everyone, even the creepy kid who eats paper, dust, and other shit can have a little bit of fun. But themes can become a real pain in the ass after a while. Seeing how I have a three day weekend everyday this semester and not overwhelmed with so much homework, I though "Fuck it", and am going to an ABC (anything but clothes) part. Sounds fun right? Well suck a big one you are sorely mistaken. You ever tried wearing something that is not an article clothing to cover up your testicles without having them pop out and every girl there seeing your flag fly and commenting on it's size (or lack there of).
   So what to wear, what to wear, whhattttt toooo weaaaar. Last time I went to one of these damn things it was a shitshow, I got so drunk I though a dress would be funny, then left the party and fell down a flight of stairs and fucked up half of my body, all in a dress. I know pathetic. So I think I'm feeling a brown paper grocery bed just around my mid section to cover up my junk and boys, as well as the writing on my ass. Thanks to whomever thought of this stupid idea as a theme for a damn party. I honestly hate you, and go eat shit and die in a burning bus with a bunch of orphans  ( a special someone has heard that one before), oh and I'll share the story of how my ass got tagged by some douches tomorrow, until then my friends, LAWLZ

Religion Ain't No Thing

College kids can do stupid shit a lot of the time, especially when they have an ample amount of free time on their hands, which is what weekends are for. This is the story about how that boredom turned into something a little bit over the top.

     So a group of friends and I were doing a list of things that were put together for us, a scavenger hunt if you will. There was some simple stuff to do, and then there was what I had to do, Get in a fight with a Panda at a sorority party that was taking place on campus that night, except wearing a Robin costume. It doesn't seem that hard because one could assume that the fight could be staged. Well it was. But from a certain event that took place earlier in the night, at a certain catholic center, with a certain sexual act on it's rooftop, the cops were looking for some douche- bag running around in a Robin costume. GREAT. How do I do this shit now? I had to like crouch naked in a parking lot for 20 minutes, and was nervous to put it back on again.

     Well I did put the costume back on again and headed over to the "Horse and Hunt Club", or sorority if you will. When I get there the Panda comes running down the fire escape of the building and it pretty much turns into the wrestling match in the back with a group of drunken shouting lunatics cheering for the panda. What gives? No love for the sidekick of Batman? That's dank as shit man, give me a break. Well needless to say, I put his bamboo eating ass back on the endangered- species list. Until tomorrow, for another cool story "Hick". PEACE

Raging on Valentine's Day

So in honor of one my least favorite holidays, my friend "Julian" and I will be having a Valentine's party, but not for the reason one might think. We will be raging for his great grandpa Valentine, a large man, who had a taste for hash liquor, farming, and speaking Central and Eastern European languages. What the hell right? I wouldn't expect anything less from Julian. Probably the most eccentric man at UMass, he always has some ridiculous things to say that are always funny and never disappointing.  The man is as smart as they come, with a taste for brown liquor that is comparable to Rush Limbaugh. Funny shit I know, he helped me start  a group up to just plain old hate on people that we think deserve it. My favorite part of the dude is that he hit one of the biggest jack asses that I know in the face with a rolled up welcome mat covered in dust. Way to go Julian, time to go hard for Grandpa Valentine tonight.

Girls: Double Standards aren't cool

When your'e a guy, and are getting intimate with a girl, a new set of rules seems to come into play. You can't do this or that, you HAVE to do things a certain way. Sorry but if I'm fucking, I want it to be in a way that actually feels good for me. Take a couple of weekends for example, I didn't have sex because of a goddamn hickey I got on Friday from a girl from the all- girls Mt. Holyoke school. Cute girl, just kind of a pain in the ass. I was kissing her neck, and she literally shoved my head with force away from her, saying that she didn't want any bad marks on her neck. Understandable. The problem is that five minutes later, she was doing the same shit to me. WHAT THE FUCK. Legit, why the hell do you tell me not to do something, and then go ahead and do that same thing to me? That's weak . And to add insult to injury I didn't even get laid out of the situation. We went upstairs to make out and she pretty much ruined the whole night, at a party I was supposed to be running. I had other girls that were DTF, and to be frank, a goddamn lot hotter than she was, running around my house. So the night was over and it's Saturday, I let her know, along with all the friends in my room, that I was bitter and flaccid. The biddy got the hint and left, thank god. But OH WAIT I HAVE A HUGE HICKEY ON MY NECK. I got tagged, it was my own fault, and was certainly not getting laid Saturday night. Oh well, fuck my life right?

Popping the Cherry

Well, I just want to say what's up. There is probably nothing of true value that will be posted on this page but if you like a laugh or two and want to hear some cool stories, (some being a bit inappropriate), you might like to keep updated on my page! The real reason is I have some friends that have made blogs and felt it is a cool way to just like express myself. SO the first topic of interest is Valentine's Day. Kind of a pointless holiday in my opinion, where a guy courts a girl with some fake ass mirage of chivalry in the form of dinner, flowers, and chocolates. I mean if there really has to be a holiday like this where a girl expects a certain behavior from their significant other, then she is pretty much getting shafted if the dude cannot do something romantic out of the blue. What do you think? It honestly is pointless to have a date saved where you expect extra special attention from someone, even though you should be getting that all the time, otherwise you should go shopping for a new man, ladies. Just my two cents, more interesting posts will follow I'm out