While I'm sitting here recovering and on happy pills, let's take a look at my favorite video probably of all-time on the world wide web. Enjoy!!
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Guess Who's Back?!?!
What's up fuckers!!
Finally back in the world of casual blogging, and for the loyal following I have, whom I can all count on one hand sadly enough, welcome back to the sad sad world of living your lives vicariously through some random college douche bag's blog! (But seriously awesome, having people ask about it once in a while is trey cool)
Well my summer was completely boring, so nothing to report on that, but quite the interesting fall semester up here in the Northeast. I've seen tools get hit in the face, mad hookups, and of course, those embarrassing nights which all of you (meaning my boys) wish you could forget about, but the asshole that I am will not let you live down. Fags.
So who do we start out with? How about KARL?
Karl did not really get all that crazy this year, hmmmm...
I didn't believe that either ahaha, Karl had some crazy nights, dude pulled in fucking three chicks in one of them. Sadly for Karl, that is where the good news ends, as all of those lucky "females" as I will be generous enough to call them, were to describe it at best, seemed to be relatable to that of a Man Bear Pig. To top it off, the poor son of a bitch had one of them catch him in the act with his nightcap. Still, congratualtions Karl, you have proven that sticking your dick in anything with a hole will be what I like to refer to as from The Lion King as , "Slimy, yet satisfying."
Next up we have Julian, whom of course was being his usual self, getting shit faced on an array of various brown liquors. My favorite thing that happened to him was the fact that he throws his back out during sex, as well as hooking up with a bitch who looks like Xena, Warrior Princess, from that shit TV show we would watch on Saturday mornings and weeknights when we all were too scared of women anyways. Kudos Julian! Hopefully your next slampiece does not have a waist and shoe size that makes you look like Kate Moss bro.
As for your's truly, it was a pretty successful semester, not going to lie. For the most part, I behaved,a couple of nights where I can not seem to remember many things. I love how on weekends I would walk up to girls and try to meet them, only to find out that I spit some ridiculously corny ass line on them the weekend before. The black out tally for this guy still remains rather insignificant which is all good, because when I want to remember the girl I'm with, you'll be sure that I will bro, no doubt.
I want to introduce to the crew, a new friend of mine I will call on this site, "Shortbus". Dude is the fucking man. He really likes getting fucked up, and he is a true wingman, letting you decide whom you would rather fuck out of a pair of girls any night of the week. First night we actually hung out, dude and I dominated the table at my boy Sweetness's house. There is one problem with Shortbus though, dude needs to think before he speaks, I mean taking his roommates pink eye eye drops and using them to try and avoid the infection, only to get it is pretty fucking stupid. He was also referred to as a butterface, by some girl who has no right in saying that, though it is hilarious none the less.
I just wanted to get back in the swing of things, and just in time for NYE right? I think I'm heading to NH to my boy Flaccid's house, if you remember him, and promise to have stories the week after, if I don't I pledge that I will make sure something crazy happens because of your's truly. Until next time loyal (insert single digit here) readers and fans. GFU
Finally back in the world of casual blogging, and for the loyal following I have, whom I can all count on one hand sadly enough, welcome back to the sad sad world of living your lives vicariously through some random college douche bag's blog! (But seriously awesome, having people ask about it once in a while is trey cool)
Well my summer was completely boring, so nothing to report on that, but quite the interesting fall semester up here in the Northeast. I've seen tools get hit in the face, mad hookups, and of course, those embarrassing nights which all of you (meaning my boys) wish you could forget about, but the asshole that I am will not let you live down. Fags.
So who do we start out with? How about KARL?
Karl did not really get all that crazy this year, hmmmm...
Next up we have Julian, whom of course was being his usual self, getting shit faced on an array of various brown liquors. My favorite thing that happened to him was the fact that he throws his back out during sex, as well as hooking up with a bitch who looks like Xena, Warrior Princess, from that shit TV show we would watch on Saturday mornings and weeknights when we all were too scared of women anyways. Kudos Julian! Hopefully your next slampiece does not have a waist and shoe size that makes you look like Kate Moss bro.
As for your's truly, it was a pretty successful semester, not going to lie. For the most part, I behaved,a couple of nights where I can not seem to remember many things. I love how on weekends I would walk up to girls and try to meet them, only to find out that I spit some ridiculously corny ass line on them the weekend before. The black out tally for this guy still remains rather insignificant which is all good, because when I want to remember the girl I'm with, you'll be sure that I will bro, no doubt.
I want to introduce to the crew, a new friend of mine I will call on this site, "Shortbus". Dude is the fucking man. He really likes getting fucked up, and he is a true wingman, letting you decide whom you would rather fuck out of a pair of girls any night of the week. First night we actually hung out, dude and I dominated the table at my boy Sweetness's house. There is one problem with Shortbus though, dude needs to think before he speaks, I mean taking his roommates pink eye eye drops and using them to try and avoid the infection, only to get it is pretty fucking stupid. He was also referred to as a butterface, by some girl who has no right in saying that, though it is hilarious none the less.
I just wanted to get back in the swing of things, and just in time for NYE right? I think I'm heading to NH to my boy Flaccid's house, if you remember him, and promise to have stories the week after, if I don't I pledge that I will make sure something crazy happens because of your's truly. Until next time loyal (insert single digit here) readers and fans. GFU
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Does the following story help my boy get laid?
AH SUMMER IS HERE
Too bad someone forgot to tell mother nature, that bitch has been making it rain more than Lil Wayne at a strip club.
But there was a nice day. I left the Zoo on Thursday to come home, not an exciting first night back, just chilling with the rentals catching up and shit. But the next morning was a good start. I woke up to my boy from V-town in NJ hitting me up for a party he was having that night. Of course I was down to go, and get a little heavy with my boys from home no doubt.
So I got there mad early, before even the fratty lights were out, but I just got up with "Wildcat" as I will refer to him. Soon enough people just started pouring in, and before you knew, we had mad drinking on our hands.
The night went pretty smoothly with a wide range of women showing up. My girl LFM showed for a little cameo, we got shocked when we played ruit, but hey the best have to lose to keep them in check right? Next time we'll get them buddy. No lies.
Around midnight two, to put it nicely, wildebeasts, were talking to one of my old hockey buddies. Let's call him Orr (As in Bobby Orr, because the dude has the ego of a pro, just not the skills) Orr thinks he's the man, hitting on women and shit, but the women as I said were from the bottom of the barrel, hoodrats to be politically correct.
Eventually Orr starts challenging them to a game of ruit, and he made it interesting, to most of the guys there dismay. He got them to play strip ruit, like take a piece of clothing off everytime they make a cup.
I'm pretty much ignoring their game, to try and hold my liquor, so I'm screwing with the music with a girl I was talking to for a while ( no I did not get any, screw you she wouldn't have put out for you anyways). But when I turned around, I thought I was looking at a bakery, because all I saw were rolls. I lost my nerves and darted to the bathroom, and proceeded to puke everywhere. Not a good time, and Orr didn't even hook up with either of the shirtless girls anyways. SO i guess the moral of the story is, even if you drop your standards to the depths of hell, and you don't get laid, shame on you. Thanks Orr, I can't have vodka for at least a month.
Too bad someone forgot to tell mother nature, that bitch has been making it rain more than Lil Wayne at a strip club.
But there was a nice day. I left the Zoo on Thursday to come home, not an exciting first night back, just chilling with the rentals catching up and shit. But the next morning was a good start. I woke up to my boy from V-town in NJ hitting me up for a party he was having that night. Of course I was down to go, and get a little heavy with my boys from home no doubt.
So I got there mad early, before even the fratty lights were out, but I just got up with "Wildcat" as I will refer to him. Soon enough people just started pouring in, and before you knew, we had mad drinking on our hands.
The night went pretty smoothly with a wide range of women showing up. My girl LFM showed for a little cameo, we got shocked when we played ruit, but hey the best have to lose to keep them in check right? Next time we'll get them buddy. No lies.
Around midnight two, to put it nicely, wildebeasts, were talking to one of my old hockey buddies. Let's call him Orr (As in Bobby Orr, because the dude has the ego of a pro, just not the skills) Orr thinks he's the man, hitting on women and shit, but the women as I said were from the bottom of the barrel, hoodrats to be politically correct.
Eventually Orr starts challenging them to a game of ruit, and he made it interesting, to most of the guys there dismay. He got them to play strip ruit, like take a piece of clothing off everytime they make a cup.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Oh New York...
The Knicks and Rangers are both out of the chase for their respective championships so that leaves New York's most reliable franchise over the past century. The Yankees
Go Bronx Bombers, let the Red Sox keep fucking up and just rip those balls out of the park. I smell number 28. LETS GO.
On a completely different note, this weekend was probably one of the more bland experiences I have ever known being a UMass student. Everyone had gone home for Easter, and I was left with my Jewish friends, mainly Karl, to hang out with. I fell asleep before midnight on both days, and have been battling a cold so that made everything even worse than it already was. But nonetheless, some mindless shit still happened to take place. After going to a keg party at a friend's house, I am told everyone came back to our house, where some physical altercations arose. "Phil Nelson" as I would like to introduce him, decided to be the drunkest girl at the party for the second night of the weekend. Way to go Phil! I guess asking an Indian guy to body slam you into a poker table that doesn't belong to you is a great way to spend a Saturday night. If you do buy a new table for those guys, make sure it's a feminine color, because that's what I think poker is for. Bitches.
At least it's nothing like what happened to this guy....
Oh well but, I have a fun time coming up ahead of me with finals, and my second to last weekend hear and shit, so I''l be back
Go Bronx Bombers, let the Red Sox keep fucking up and just rip those balls out of the park. I smell number 28. LETS GO.
On a completely different note, this weekend was probably one of the more bland experiences I have ever known being a UMass student. Everyone had gone home for Easter, and I was left with my Jewish friends, mainly Karl, to hang out with. I fell asleep before midnight on both days, and have been battling a cold so that made everything even worse than it already was. But nonetheless, some mindless shit still happened to take place. After going to a keg party at a friend's house, I am told everyone came back to our house, where some physical altercations arose. "Phil Nelson" as I would like to introduce him, decided to be the drunkest girl at the party for the second night of the weekend. Way to go Phil! I guess asking an Indian guy to body slam you into a poker table that doesn't belong to you is a great way to spend a Saturday night. If you do buy a new table for those guys, make sure it's a feminine color, because that's what I think poker is for. Bitches.
At least it's nothing like what happened to this guy....
Oh well but, I have a fun time coming up ahead of me with finals, and my second to last weekend hear and shit, so I''l be back
Friday, April 15, 2011
Let us play catch up cool?
Hey it's me again. So it has been quite hectic over the last couple of weeks. New apartment, classes and whatnot. But anywho I'm back for now and here are some stories.
Biceps reeled in a keeper ladies and gentlemen, or so I have heard without using a reference to his massive guns, or his sexual prowess in bed. LAWLZ. But good for you big guy. Chick is on the Equestrian team here at UMass, so for comedy's sake let us call her Sea Biscuit. I don't know much other than she is the looker while most of her friends, minus a few ungainly whales, are al good looking and I had fun talking to them.
Karl, on the other hand, maybe a little sick with a pretty sounding thing. I won't say what it is out of respect to him, but I will tell this: The girl that may have, but thankfully didn't give it to him, is a bitch and a half, and Karl still has the balls to maybe ask this chick to our formal? WTF Karl? YOU HAVE OTHER HOT GIRLS THAT LIKE YOUR GOOFY DRUNK ASS. Get with the program bro honestly. I'll update on a situation, but if she goes with him, it is not going to be a pleasant night for either of them, because I cannot for the love of god control my drunk ass.
Speaking of which, about formal and shit, I feel that Julian needs to get his shit together and go. The dude threw up in the pool our first semester going to the formal and had it shut down for everyone else. He then tried to drunkenly blame it on someone else. Way to be a champ Julian, I'm banking on a repeat this year dude.
So while listening to the 8 Mile soundtrack, fuck you it is the essence of human existence. But I'm out to drink more and prolong the inevitable truth that I have mad projects to do. I'll keep you jibronis updated and shit. Posh Nosh getting Shringotts
Out
Biceps reeled in a keeper ladies and gentlemen, or so I have heard without using a reference to his massive guns, or his sexual prowess in bed. LAWLZ. But good for you big guy. Chick is on the Equestrian team here at UMass, so for comedy's sake let us call her Sea Biscuit. I don't know much other than she is the looker while most of her friends, minus a few ungainly whales, are al good looking and I had fun talking to them.
Karl, on the other hand, maybe a little sick with a pretty sounding thing. I won't say what it is out of respect to him, but I will tell this: The girl that may have, but thankfully didn't give it to him, is a bitch and a half, and Karl still has the balls to maybe ask this chick to our formal? WTF Karl? YOU HAVE OTHER HOT GIRLS THAT LIKE YOUR GOOFY DRUNK ASS. Get with the program bro honestly. I'll update on a situation, but if she goes with him, it is not going to be a pleasant night for either of them, because I cannot for the love of god control my drunk ass.
Speaking of which, about formal and shit, I feel that Julian needs to get his shit together and go. The dude threw up in the pool our first semester going to the formal and had it shut down for everyone else. He then tried to drunkenly blame it on someone else. Way to be a champ Julian, I'm banking on a repeat this year dude.
So while listening to the 8 Mile soundtrack, fuck you it is the essence of human existence. But I'm out to drink more and prolong the inevitable truth that I have mad projects to do. I'll keep you jibronis updated and shit. Posh Nosh getting Shringotts
Out
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
My Apologies
Sorry, but I do not feel I have the time to make "Rate that Townie" with Flaccid, just not in the cards, so please, feel free to suck it up.
I will, however, resume posting funny shit to this page in the near future, just cut me some slack
Peace
I will, however, resume posting funny shit to this page in the near future, just cut me some slack
Peace
Monday, March 28, 2011
Want to play a game?
Well good!
Myself, along with my buddy Flaccid, the resident photographer, and a very good one at that, will be walking around the town of Amherst, taking pictures of townies..
drumroll please!
RATE THAT TOWNIE!
We will be posting pictures of weird hobos, hot girls, ugly girls and such, and let you guys respond to rate them, so please do not be shy with your feedback as I will be posting some responses, with discretion of course...
stay tuned bitches
Myself, along with my buddy Flaccid, the resident photographer, and a very good one at that, will be walking around the town of Amherst, taking pictures of townies..
drumroll please!
RATE THAT TOWNIE!
We will be posting pictures of weird hobos, hot girls, ugly girls and such, and let you guys respond to rate them, so please do not be shy with your feedback as I will be posting some responses, with discretion of course...
stay tuned bitches
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